This past year was Pluto for me. A big revelation, a big transformation. So many changes that needed to be made have been made and are being made still as Saturn is transiting my 1H. I am thankful for life, my family, friends, and our old teacher Saturn. The Year of the Dragon treated this Monkey pretty good. So many things began this year and are taking place, flourishing.
I look back to the beginning of this year when I was in my dorms, smoking marijuana, practicing playing bass, living in Neptune land wanting to pursue my dream of moving to Los Angeles and finding a band. During that time I changed my sexual orientation again and proceeded to try to be "straight". So living in Neptune land, smoking Mary J, I had this big dream ever since I was a kid to be a rockstar and I was determined to make this happen since I was not really focused on school. So I barely went to classes, smoked and played bass telling myself I'd move to LA soon. Eventually the result of me not going to classes was a low gpa and getting kicked out of the dorms, put on academic probation. At that point I said fuck school, I got my tax refund and moved to LA, May 5th, and lived with my Aunt and Cousins.
While there I was immersed in the heart of LA. It was all that I dreamed of. I loved it. I smoked, I drank, lived life but I was still hiding myself and it made my anxiety high. I also started to get more in depth with my spiritual side and astrology. I had develop bad anxiety in college you see when I decided I was "straight", it was from trying to be a certain way and wondering everyone saw past my facade. So one day I was smoking in the morning with my cousin, the same month I moved there, and I couldn't take it. My anxiety kicked in and I was tripping out. I went to the restroom and had a huge panic attack and it resulted in me not being able to see. I told my cousin I couldn't see and to call the ambulance. I went to the emergency room. When I got there my cousin asked me was I gay, and I told her yeah. She asked is that why I was doing all this, I said I think so. I "queened" out. It was very dramatic in a quiet way, yes.
Ever since then I started coming out to my family, and truly living my life. I was starting to be happy with myself. I accepted who I was and lived. I started to get deeper into spirituality and astrology, actually looking in depth to my chart. I found my soul mates in LA, 2 guys of whom I'll never forget because they helped spark a change in me for the better. A Gemini whose birthday was only a month before mine exactly and a Pisces. I fell instantly in love with both, I miss both. I miss the Pisces guy way more. He showed me true romance and love. I left the same day we, Pisces and I, hung out together for the first time. I cried when I left him and when back in TX. He showed me love that in the smallest form can mean a thousand words.
When I came back things were different, I was more able to deal and find my way. I stumbled upon a great astrology blog by one of my favorite astrologists now, Elsa P. Great woman. She's now my astrologist and I got a consult from her and it's given me the keys for the near future.
I hope all goes will this year with the world and myself, my family, my friends, my future love. I hope 2013 is another great year, spiritually and this time materialistically.
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