Full Moon in Virgo

The full moon is in Virgo and I'm setting some intentions.

• To stop criticizing myself so harshly.
• To stop criticizing my art so harshly.
• To stop criticizing everything around me.
• To follow my dreams forreal when I move to NYC.
• To still remain humble through everything.
• To find my new home.
• To find confidence in myself.
• To live MY life the way I see fit.
• To have more faith in myself.
• To have more faith in the universe that everything will turn out just fine.
• To have faith in life.
• To truly be myself and no one else.

What are your intentions?

Pisces Stellium

Ready for the Pisces stellium that's coming up? Are you? Are you? ARE YOU? Wake up! Try to stay grounded. Let Pluto in Capricorn sextiling Saturn in Scorpio be that reality slap you need whenever you feel yourself drift off to imagination land too much. Pisces stellium indicates dreaminess, creativity, forgiveness, love, compassion, but also addiction, wishy washy-ness, and escapism. Do your best to stay grounded funneling your creativity, forgiveness, love, compassion productively. Universal love is high at this time, the vibes are good. Enjoy the waves, but don't get lost in the ocean. Keep swimming, keeping your eyes all around you as it is easy to get washed away at these times. Best of luck!

Here's a song for the Pisces Stellium.

Twin Sister - Lady Daydream

If you forget it all, I will bring it with me.
If you can't find the sea, I will take you there. 

If you forget it all, I will bring it with me.
If you can't find the sea, I will take you there.

Green.
Green, you still know me by name.

Even though I'm losing it doesn't make me a loser, yet.
You still know me by name, Green.
I'll still be Lady Daydream.

Green, you still know me by name.
Green, you still know me by name.

She took it all from me now I can't find my place.
Do you remember me? 
Do you know my face?
It could all be a dream.
It could all be a dream.
It could all be a dream, Green.

Green, it could all be a dream.
It could all be a dream.
It could all be a dream.

Moon in Taurus: My Journey Today

The Moon in Aries had me feeling like shit man, really, like shit. I was talking to my friend about the shit feeling and I was just explaining to him how I feel about being stagnant and not traveling like my 9H stellium wants to. Not transforming like my 1H Pluto wants to. Not being a complete individual like I want to.

But as the Moon moved into Taurus, I've been feeling good. Grounded. My emotions have calmed and I'm able to push aside that stagnant feeling. All of this has allowed me to have a great journey today and I'll tell you about it.

I saw the same butterflies that I always see today, twice.

One flew by as I waiting by the bus stop next to a muslim woman. We kept making eye contact and I think she was waiting for me to talk to her. When I saw the butterfly I thought "I should talk to her." So I turned and it was like she was waiting because she was already looking at me. I started up small conversation and it lead to talking about life and school. Come to find out she's from Pakistan and is here for school on a scholarship. We got on the bus and talked more and we exchanged names. My name is arabic, indicator that I have origins in Islam. She asked me was I muslim.

I said, "I still believe in it. I don't practice that much." She said, "you still have faith and belief in it right?" I said, "yeah." She replied, "then you're still muslim." Her stop came and we said our last few words to each other.

That got me thinking.

I went to the bookstore and went to the metaphysics section. I was reading an astrology book and thinking about it. Maybe I can incorporate Islam in my shamanic practices since it is my core belief. I pondered on that. I was reading a good book about Astrology and the soul and as a Cancer I have to let go of the fear and listen to my intuition and the universes messages. While I was reading it, I kind of knew I was going to meet someone at the section. Actually that was my intention of going to the bookstore in the first place.

Turns out I did. Turns out I've seen this guy at my college before. Turns out he has 4 planets in Cancer and is going through his Saturn Return.
He pulled out a tarot book and I immediately spotted it as I was sitting right in front of the section. I started talking to him and asking him questions. He's been doing tarot for 3 years. He recommended me a book to learn from. He's gay. And the big part of it all is that I'VE SEEN HIM BEFORE. He goes to the same University I went to and we were in the same organization. As soon as he told me, he started becoming familiar. We talked more about tarot and astrology of which he is not that into, but I was talking to him about it anyway telling him about his chart and how he's going through his Saturn's Return. You learn something everyday, right? I asked for his info, said that maybe we could study tarot together and he agreed. We exchanged goodbye's and I left.

I went to apply for some stores afterwards and kind of lucked up because they were all hiring! Let's see if I get hired. I was also thinking about what Omie said, that I choose but I may not want anyone around. It rings so true man! Except this one guy...

After applying to the jobs, I decided to treat myself something to eat. I was going to stick to the tried and true McDonalds, but I thought why not try something new? So I decided to go to a Tex-Mex restaurant and bar. I went in and sat at the bar, and waited to order. There was only one person at the bar and the bartender. I made little conversation with the bartender. He was extremely cute, but I wasn't sure if he was gay or not. So frustrating. He had to be in his 30s though. After our little conversation, I ordered and then made conversation with the lady at the bar. Her and I started talking about the food and then somehow it all led to us talking about traveling to places and where we've been to. 9H baby. I told her about living in LA of which she always wanted to visit, but never had the chance to. I think I might be the catalyst of that trip because she had her doubts, now she really wants to go. She then talked about her experiences in NY which is the next place I want to live for awhile. She told me about the gay area and how people were all cool as hell and whatnot. I told her about my philosophies on traveling and experiencing new things and she was all for it. She said, "Hell yeah! Shit, you're young. Do it! This is the time for you to do it. Go out and experience things. You're a handsome young man, you can take over the town." Her sister called her eventually which cut our conversation short. No one else was at the bar and my food came so I just ate. As I was eating I kept making eye contact with the cute bartender. I didn't know if he was looking or if I was looking, but somehow our eyes kept leading back to each others. Every time he came around the bar he was looking at me, but  I couldn't figure out if I was just in his line of sight or what. He kept coming up and asking was the food alright after the prolonged eye contact. If I think you're cute and you're looking at me, I seriously can have a staring contest with you if I'm feeling up to it. 1H Pluto. I'm learning how to smile more now though so hopefully that disarms people. He eventually had to clock out his shift. In that time I found out he's also a musician which explained his eccentricness. Then he left.

Maybe I missed my chance? What if that was a hint to keep the conversation going? I don't know, but I do plan to go back sometime soon. Order a drink because I'm sure I could've gotten away with it. This time, I'll talk to him more.

That was my journey for today. These butterflies man, I love them. It's always the same color butterfly! I made some new friends and connections today. I love talking to people, you know? You learn something new. You grow. I love the exchange of experiences and ideas especially if they challenge your own in a way. Or just simply get you thinking deeply. The lady at the bar got me thinking that maybe it's time for me to move to NY for a bit. The other day I had a dream I was living there. So maybe it's time for me to experience that. I decided I'm going to live there this summer and come back when summer is over just so I can get a taste of it. I've been thinking where do I want to build my life and my business in. LA or NY? I've lived in LA and now it's time for me to experience NY. So I'm moving there this summer after my birthday. I will and I am. I'm also excited I made a new tarot buddy who's also a major Cancer! That's another thing. I keep meeting Cancer's and people who are going through their Saturn Return's lately. I feel like I teach these people something especially the Saturn Return peeps. I ask them if they're going through some changes, hard times and the answer is always yes. My reply in turn is always, you're going through your Saturn's Return and I proceed to tell them what that is all about.

All in all, I love people, I love helping people, and I love sharing my ideas and philosophies. They are a big part of who I am. The good part about it is that even though I may not like other's philosophies sometimes, I still listen to them. I think that's a big part of sharing and a big part of contributing to the world and experiences. You learn, experience, and journey further with each day. Living in the now is preparing for the now and for the future.

Valentine's Day

Supposedly, this is a good time to find our soulmate or whatever. I'm not holding my breath. Love predictions never work with me.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Venus Opposite Neptune

I hold back from you
in fear of getting hurt
My emotions
ebb and flow with the tide
on a full moon's night
I don't know if it's you that I want
Or I just like being adored.

Something I wrote in while I was with JS, the scorp, in November. Honestly, it wasn't him that I wanted. So I had to leave.

Thoughts

"You're a sauna/jacuzzi. Some people will love you. Some people won't. That's life. Just love who you are. I like jacuzzi's! Seriously. I'll stay in a jacuzzi all day and it feels weird when you get out because it just feels different, ya know?"

That's something I just said to my Leo Sun, 8H Cancer Moon, Sag Rising friend when I was telling her about how her emotions are and who she is. Giving her a quick astrology reading. She's been having hard times navigating her emotions and recently had done something to harm herself and has been thinking about getting medicated which I'm trying to advocate against. It's ironic because when I first started taking astrology real seriously I had did her chart for her, but I didn't actually pay attention that her Moon is Cancer too. It all made sense after that. Which is why we have the same problems. Which is why she's so mood swingy. Which is why she always gets really down and depressed. I've been trying to uplift her for the longest and it was sad to see because we both confided in each other about our problems, but over time I've gotten better at navigating my emotions and learning how to deal with them while she's stuck, letting the intensity make her fear them. Fear life. I understand her because I have a Cancer Moon as well, you see? I know how it is. I KNOW. Plus, I have a Cancer stellium all in a tight conjunction. Cancer/Moon/Venus.  I know my crab, but she doesn't know hers. So I had to break it down for her:

"Your Moon is in Cancer which explains your mood swings. My Moon is in Cancer too which is why I can easily relate. Moon in Cancer is in it's right place and that just means we're very fucking moody, sensitive, emotional, mood swing-y, and quite frankly pretty loony. Honestly, you don't need pills, you just need to learn how to navigate your emotions. As the Moon changes phases, so does your emotions. Moon in Cancer is in it's home, it's rightful place as the Moon rules Cancer. That means that you're going to have incredible mood swings due to the phases of the Moon and even bouts of insecurity. You just need to learn how to go with the flow instead of fight it. That's how I'm able to get better. It might be more easier for me because I have 3 planets in Cancer and I'm a Cancer myself. It's hard for you because you have more fire than me in your chart than I do. Plus, you're a Leo, you want to be sunny. Unfortunately to do this, you just have to ebb and flow with your emotions. For christ sakes, stop closing yourself in. Stop it! It only makes things worse, TRUST ME. You have to open up to feel secure, you have to or you'll stay depressed. Think about what's making you moody and use your Leo Sun's dramatics to act it out. Act out how you feel, say how you feel, go with the flow of how you feel and don't hold back and I promise you things will get better. Who gives a shit what other people think, forreal, who gives a shit. As long as you won't hurt yourself anymore because you're barring yourself inside your emotions and letting them drive you nuts. Trust me I know you know I know. I'm a big fucking crab myself but I learned that I just have to ride the tides, man, and let it pass. If it's something I feel, I feel it completely. I cry, I call a friend and talk about it or sulk for a bit but try to stay active, make myself laugh. I funnel it through creative methods and that's what you need to do. Stop hiding from your emotions and become one with them because they are you. You can't hide from them, they are you. Stop being afraid to talk about them because it only hinders and isolates you from the ones you love. Honestly, it's not them. It's you. And now you have the power to change it. Find a way to funnel your emotions productively that way you can ebb and flow with them and be able to get through them while doing something productive and not have them totally depress you. Pushing away your emotions is definitely not going to work. Pushing your emotions back is just going to make them snap harder than they intended. WAY HARDER! Cancer is a crab and it's snappy and it won't be afraid to snap. And Cancer hates being neglected. Hates it! Cancer needs to be nurtured and nurturing. It's the sign of the "Mother". You need to nurture and mother your feelings as soon as they appear because a neglected mother becomes depressed and a bit spiteful. Also mothering those around you makes you feel better too. Don't deny this side of you anymore. In plus it's in the 8H which means intensity! INTENSE. Your emotions are fucking intense so you need to deal with them as soon as you can or cause a massive destructive flood. Cancer is a water sign, it needs to flow. Don't stop the flow because it'll build up and eventually break down the walls you've been building up against them and out comes calamity. Water is powerful! Noah's Ark. Moses. Tsunami's. Water is powerful. Think of that when you feel your emotions. Act them out, nurture them, don't neglect them. Make steam with your Leo Sun. It'll get hot in here but everyone will feel better at the end especially with your funny Sag rising. No more neglecting and nurturing! Cancer hates neglection! We need love. Love thy self. I'm glad you know what to do now :) The water doesn't always have to put out the fire. It can make steam that everyone will love. Because face it, who doesn't love sauna time or a Jacuzzi? Your ego is fire (Leo) and your emotions are water (Cancer). Face your immense intense emotions and mood swings (Cancer) and let them transform you (8H Moon) to a better person and happier, sunnier you (Leo) as you get closer to knowing who you are. There's nothing wrong with emotions, trust me, I love mine now. It just means we are human. Our feelings are REAL."

Then we proceeded to talk about Justin Bieber. Honestly, I'm glad I was finally able to pin the source down for her and tell her exactly what's going on. Before all I could do was try to give her uplifting advice and be there for her, but I'm glad I was able to convince her to take astrology serious and listen to what I had to say. She doesn't believe in astrology, but I had to tell her that contrary to belief, it's a tool from God that helps journey in our life to find out who we are and our path. At the end of my spiel, I got her to actually understand and she actually knew what I meant by what I was saying. She completely grasped the concept and that made me feel really good. It makes me feel like I'm actually starting to get the hang of this. At first I've been really hesitant to try to piece astrology all together when giving advice to people and explaining things, but I'm surprising myself lately. All this learning has really payed off and I'm surprised. A few days ago I tested myself by writing down what I know about the planets, houses, and aspects, and it was actually more on point than I thought it would be! I even drew a couple of charts by hand, placing planets, and drawing aspects and all. It was actually fairly easy. I seriously don't give myself enough credit. Trust me I have more to learn, but I'm proud that I'm able to speak and regurgitate what I know back out. That means that I am actually learning. 3H Uranus Capricorn baby. Teaching myself is really working with the help of elsaelsa.com

I'm really happy that I'm on the right path with this. I'm not that good and I'm not going to act like I'm the shit because I'm not. I still have a lot to learn. But I'm proud of where I'm at right now and the progress I've made from when I first started. This is something I really want to do as a part of my career and it feels good to know that I'm somewhat on the right track. It feels good to know that I can help with my services(Jupiter in Virgo), and that's all I want to do. Really. I want to help the universe and the people inhabiting it. And that is everyone.

Astrology Talk Radio

Hey check out yesterday's astrology radio talk with two people that I have come to know. :)

Very engaging. Excellent advice, insight, and loads of laughs. I'm even on the show!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nota-tirem/2013/02/09/love-is-in-the-air-with-nota-and-jason

Be sure to tune in every Friday to check them out and feel free to join in! 

Living Life Day to Day

Life is never promised or granted and can be taken away in an instant. Tomorrow. Next week. 2 years from now. I know this, we all know this. It's becoming more evident with Saturn in Scorpio. Death happens everyday, yes, but with Saturn in Scorpio it's hitting closer to home. I'm used to this as many people I know, friends, family members, acquaintances, even people I don't know but have saw, pass in my life. I'm used to death and I'm not afraid. Not just the dying of life, but also, of old habits, toxic things in us and in our environment. Saturn is now removing all of this (Scorpio), it just so happens the people we know are leaving us in the process. 

Recently, a few people I have known pretty much all my life have died very suddenly (Uranus). Same for other people I know and have heard. It's all hitting closer and closer. It's very sad. A few years ago my sister, a Mega Leo, was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the age of 27. When she found out it was a very severe case and she had to get intensive chemotherapy and radiation to remove it. If she hadn't found out when she did, she would not be here today. I spent my whole summer devoting my time to making sure she was okay and staying in the hospital with her. Her shine was dimming and she became very depressed. I was there to witness all of this and be there for her whenever I could. It was a really emotional, scary, hard time for all of us but she was able to make it through. After she was done and made a recovery, she moved to LA and made the decision to live her life the way she saw fit regardless of what anyone thought. Well, the way she wanted to live wasn't very suited for a life to live. So everyone thought, me included. We thought that she should be doing something else with her life other than what she was doing because she was given a second chance. But it's her life, you know? I moved to LA some time after and was able to witness everything, and yeah, she was not living healthy and even though she was living her life, it was taking a toll. 

After some time I moved back home and then she followed suit. She came back to get a checkup. She had been having problems with her bowels and whatnot. Everyone was convincing her to come back and get checked up in case it was something, but at first she wasn't listening. She was ignoring it and putting it off as long as she could hoping that she didn't have to face the problem (Neptune). But she had to. She came back home and found out that her cancer is back(Saturn in Scorpio). She was faced with choices: either get surgery to remove it, get chemo, or don't do anything at all and risk it spreading. If she gets surgery they will have to remove her liver, intestines, and vagina. She will have to have to wear two colostomy bags and will have to pass bowel movements through her belly button. She will not be able to have sex either. She already can't have kids because they had to take her lymph nodes out when she first got surgery for cancer. All this can take a toll on someone. Especially someone who is now 31 and still young. And it can take a toll on their family. 

She had time to make her decision. During that time she has been going the herbal route and spiritual route to fighting the cancer. She heard how my stepmom who recently had breast cancer, has been taking these herbal pills and have been feeling loads better than when she was doing chemo and radiation. She decided to do this and also has been meeting up with a herbal doctor drinking elixers and mixes and doing meditation with him. She's glowing and finding happiness within herself during these hard times(Saturn). A few days ago she had to make the decision. She chose not to get the surgery and the doctor told her that she will have 2 years to live. When she told me this I couldn't help but break down. I have been trying to be so strong for her and everyone, but that hit me. It struck my heart and soul. I couldn't help my emotions(Moon). I have Cancer, goddamit. I cried at the thought of losing my sister. Someone who I've grown up with my whole life. Yeah, I've seen death, but it never hit THIS close to home. And that's just hitting too fucking close. For the past few days, everytime I think about the thought of that it would instantly cause me to tear up or cry. But as I have been finally able to open up to people and tell them about the struggle, it has gotten better. I feel supported and loved. Strength. Strength for my family. For me. For my sister who needs it the most. 

You know, I've been thinking for so long during these hard times(Saturn) that I just wish I had someone special to talk to. That special person that can hold me while I'm telling them about my worries about this and be able to support me. That special person I can talk to when I feel my back is against the wall. Someone to love me for me and give me strength during these hard times while I'm being strong for everyone else. My Libra and Cancer wants this. But I'm realizing now that I don't need it to feel supported. I did a reading for myself the other day and I pulled a card, I can't remember, but the card said to accept help whenever I can. To just accept it and allow it in my life. I have my friends for this and anyone who is willing to lend a sympathetic ear. Talking to my friends and other people about my struggle has truly given me strength, support and courage to face this with my sister and family as we kick ass. And I'm so thankful for it. Love will find me when it's time.

I'm so proud of my sister for making the decision she has made. From your point of view it may not be logical or it may be the same decision you choose. But I'm proud she's following her heart and choosing for herself. When she first found out she had cancer, she didn't have a choice. She had to. Now she has a choice. She's going to face this (Scorpio) and hopefully live to tell the story (Saturn). She doesn't want the surgery because she doesn't want to suffer. She feels she has suffered enough and having all of that at a young age, she wouldn't be able to do the things she wants to do. She would rather suffer and be happy than suffer and be depressed. She has faith that it'll go away by God's will and the universe. Let's face it, doctor's aren't always right. They can't always play God and expect results because it just doesn't happen that way. They are not God. They are only here to help cure if they can. If she got surgery there would be a 50% of her living, so it's like what's the point anyway? She's planning to make the most out of her life now on and be happy, living every moment to the fullest because the future isn't promised and she knows this, she realizes this. She may only have 2 years to live. I love my sister. I support her in her decision and I'm just glad she's finally finding happiness through this rough tumultuous time. As long as she's happy and living right now. That's all that matters is the right now. Right now she just wants to be the best daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, friend that she can be.

I've never really fully understood or grasped the concept of living life in the moment until now. I was always susceptible to stress of the future and what I don't have. Always worrying and down about not having what I want. Now I'm saying fuck that. I can't be down about every little thing, I can only improve to make things better. It may be little by little, but at least gradually things will get better. There's bigger things in life to worry about and my sister proves that. You can't stress about the small shit, ya know? That's not living. That's worrying, being pessimistic. I choose to be optimistic. I choose to live my life the way I see fit. I'm still young. This is my time to make mistakes and even though I feel like an old soul, I have to remind my self to relax and that I'm still young. I'm only fucking 20! My life is not going to be perfect right now and it probably won't ever be, but as long as I'm happy and living, that's all that should matter. So, fuck it. I'll sleep on the couch just so my sister can have a bed to sleep on. I'm going to explore and adventure. I'm going to love hard and wear my heart on my sleeve because that's just who I am. I'm going to do what I want to do and say what I want to say because I'm real. I'm finding myself out right now and I'm loving every part, even the dark parts. You have to expose the dark parts to shed light on them. I'm going to be the best I can be and always be on pursuit of my destiny. I'm going to give back to the community and help people journey through this life. I hope to touch someone's life and be a catalyst to the change they need to make. I see the best in humanity. I'm going to do all of this because this is my life and I'm going to live it. I'm not afraid of death, no, what I'm afraid of is not doing something positive and not leaving a positive mark in this world. Not living the life I'm meant to live and not changing myself and others for the better in the process. That's what I'm afraid of.